Peace, serenity…utmost bliss. After a long, but fairly productive day at work, followed by a strenuous, mind boggling (why on earth do I make myself do it!) workout session, I trudge back home through the dark field, to an equally glum house. It’s a God send that there’s nobody home right now, it’s such a rare occurrence and with absolutely no time to waste I’m almost immediately sinking into a lovely, hot, candlelit bubble bath and literally singing aloud with the complete contentment I feel right now. It’s in such moments that I feel I’m touching heaven. It really is the little things that matter. Sigh. My thoughts drift…
Guard your heart. The words of Proverbs 4v23 resonate through my mind constantly, 24/7. An ever present ringing in my ears, completely synchronized with the beating of my heart itself. In the past, I was a person that loved very easily, and in many ways I still am. No silly, I’m not just talking THAT love, just generally so. Always looking on the sunny side of life, and extremely naive. I always looked for the good in a person and gave them the benefit of the doubt. Not like that’s a bad thing, but unfortunately for me, not everyone is as innocent as they appear to be. I let my guard down one too many times, I let certain people into my heart and as a result, I almost hit rock bottom. Put simply, not everyone that smiled my way, was wishing the best for me, in the words of Donalbain in Macbeth, “…there’s daggers in men’s smiles”.
And so today, transformed somewhat by the lessons of that highly praised teacher, Experience, I approach a new face with utter discernment and with my feet firmly on the ground, no longer stuck with my head in the clouds. I’m way past the days of having a little key to my heart, or a brick wall, oh so plain and simple. No, think more along the lines of trip wire laser beams and state of the art, retinal scans and fingerprint thingemebobs, you know, the whole package. Complicated enough to outwit the hitman with the highest ratings.
Don’t get me wrong, I still love to love.
Of course, I am constantly jostled by various pressures, one friend got married this weekend, another just got engaged, and yet another has just found ‘the one’. On the other end of the spectrum ‘so and so’ really wants to be your friend, and their motives aren’t entirely bona fide. How’s a girl to know?! As if that isn’t enough, officious bystanders are giving you the eye as if to say, “when will you follow suit?” or “it’s about time you settled down”, or “so what, you wont let me in to your inner circle?” some even going as far as to actually voice their opinions…to which I simply laugh and say, “no thanks, I’ll pass”.