Bohemian Rhapsody plays while my loud mind explodes like a jack-in-the-box….This song though. Undertones that are initially soothing, calming…then all of a sudden it just changes! But why? Anyway, it’s somehow like me…slightly temperamental. Prone to constant waves of euphoria to paranoia. My mind is endlessly restless. I have to keep active or it will drive me insane one of these days. I am mildly bi-polar (to some extent).
But you didn’t know that did you?
Got my poker face on.
We meet, I smile and say a hearty hello! But you don’t know that beneath this cheery facade, I am a lamenting soul…my mind is in disarray.
Being alone, with my thoughts, it frightens me. Because there, staring across my room from the life size mirror. My reflection taunts me. There alone with myself, my poker face melts away and collects in a pool around my feet. There, there can be no more pretense, because I know me. I know what I am feeling. I know I miss you and I can’t stand the thought any longer of having to restrain myself from picking up the phone to call you…I digress 😉
The tears burn my eyes, fighting to fall…hot and fast down my cheeks. But I fight back, and brush them away just as fast. I’m stronger than that. I tell myself. I’m iron lady, Little miss Sunshine, The star of the show. That’s what they tell me…Am I?
I yearn for my 7am alarm to go off. Because that’s just one more hour till I’m caught up in the daily humdrum buzz in the office. There again the poker face goes up. Convincing myself that what I’ve been assigned to do is SO important. With my clown of a workmate, at least I can have an honest laugh. (God bless your soul, what would I do without you? 🙂 ) Temporarily drown out the thundering noise.
I like the challenge though. With technology, it’s so easy to feign emotions. A simple ‘lol *smiley face* ‘ and you’re good to go. But reality though, that’s just another thing altogether.
I shall wear you with pride, dear poker. Like an actress on a stage, playing the leading role. I shall rock the stage from dawn till dusk. But no, no no. I’m not saying I’m phoney. Don’t get me wrong. All I mean is sometimes, the whole world just doesn’t need to know every minute detail of your private life. Some people are just out to get you, (paranoia settling in). I’m just saying.